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Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 06:08 pm The Mounting Pressures
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Ever feel like you need a cloning device?
Like there is too much shit to do, and not enough time to do it?
Well I'm there.

My Lawyer wants me to do shit.
Because a Judge wants her to have me do shit.
Because my sanity is clearly shit.

I need medication. Going through manic ups and downs. Currently down. Figuring out how to shit gold bricks seems like the world's prescription for my problems.

I can't take it anymore. I feel like I am so close to figuring out a solution to my money woes. I just need help, and I have no idea where to turn. The knowledge I need is in no way rare, or even hard to find. It's finding someone whose not trying to get fucked up all the time and is willing to help, that's the problem.

I am on the brink of despair. Hope is infinite but I feel like it's so close to running dry. I could really use a kiss, a hug, and the words "you are loved" whispered in my ear, right now.

Sorry to be so depressing. But no one knows everything. I want to share the secrets and shadows locked in my mind, but I lack time, trust, and anyone who'd really give a damn.

If you see God, tell her I could use some help.

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Jul. 8th, 2010 @ 02:51 am Let's talk... Since we have until I'm dead
Current Location: Blackhole 640
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: A Fan Fair?
Hello... Long time strange silence broken. Welcome back to my mind. It's become a war zone of madness or genius, and life has been an epic tale of small miracles and chance encounters. The stories I have to tell are incredible and I have things to show you again. I may have my first book soon. You might find it surprising. I've been working on a coloring book. So excited. Been editing. Have years of writing to go over.

So to the point. The whole, disorganized, random, crazy thing, known as my life, is seriously getting overhauled. I am tired of the "fuck it", mentality. I hate how lazy I have become. I need to be just as active as I am, a little more productively. I need to rejoin the human race of people with minds, as opposed to the world of people trying forget they have them.

Time, is the most important thing anyone has, and I am planning on using mine better. It really pisses me off when people waste my time because I will never get anymore of it. So the whole scheduling life phase of my life has begun. I've been using boatloads of time studying bullshit I shouldn't have to know to, but I don't have the money, to pay a crapload of people, the money to do the bullshit work for me so...

I really need to become like an evil villain of corporate banker status. That is the only way I am ever going to finish any kind of a novel. And the words comic book seem like a follow up to a coloring book, so... I'm thinking of finding a background artist, and a people artist, doing some rough sketches, and seeing where the hell that leads.

In case anyone was wondering, I am in the process of recording not one, but two Cd's? Yep. "Angry Mediation" as it is currently known, is a cd's length of material mostly written by the lead guitarist of Questionable Divinity, and "Forgotten Prophecies" is some of my better material written over the years. We should have at least a demo of "The writing on the wall" and "can't take it" before august. And that's if murphy's law happens. I have plans to record my guitar part tomorrow afternoon. 6 ish.

If you know a drummer, let me know... Flaky musicians need not apply. Look, music is the most over worked money whore since at least the day America was founded, if not the dawn of time. So let's face it, I want to get paid to make it. Is that so terrible? I need a stable drummer like you wouldn't believe.

Sooooo Ummmmm Yeah Thanks Hope You Had Fun But Today's Presentation Is Over

Tomorrow or whenever your reading

God Bless
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Sep. 11th, 2006 @ 03:16 am James is 21 and Adam is the shit
Current Location: Adam's Basement
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
I was drunk as shit as I wrote this. However Adam is seriously the best of friend's anyone could ask for. If I had to list one cause for change in my life style and beliefs as a person, it would without a doubt be Adam. Adam, might only be my 2nd best friend, but don't let that fool you. He is the shit. Adam has single handedly made me a better person. In so many regards it's not even funny. A friend like that should be given props daily. I doubt I give him nearly enough props as a person, but seriously, he is the shit, and this post is all about props to my 2nd best friend(Only because my best friend is James and Ad understands) and I really hope he know how much he means to me. Even if I'm not the most fun of friends I always want to be there for him. I'd be willing to sacrifice my last penny just to bail him out of jail. I'd be willing to pick him up from anywhere for any reason what so ever. Seriously, there isn't a damn thing Ad could ask me to do that I wouldn't at least consider doing. I feel blessed by god to have such a good friend and love him like I know one should love a brother. Adam if your reading this, know that I will always try and be the best of friends I can to you, dispite my many faults. I will always try. There is no one person I'm sure I'd take a bullet for(including James). You are not only the best person I know, You are the one person I wouldn't hestiate to sacifice myself for. Ad, I want you to know that. Which is actually saying quite alot because I wouldn't just give up my life for anyone. Okay, sure alot of drunk went into this, but a lot of real emotion and friendship was there too. So I hope that Adam, you know that if anyone close to me died, I'd cry harder for you than even James, because you without a doubt, have made a far greater impact on my life than anyone else ever will. I don't know why you, plus anyone else who still reads livejournal cares, but as intozicated as I am in the is very moment all I care about is you knowing that you are seriously the best person I've every met. I wish you the best, no matter what. I just hope I can someday be even half as much of the friend you've been to me. Because seriously, you rock.

Later Daze

<3 Jason
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May. 24th, 2006 @ 04:56 pm It's my little sister's birthday
She's fairly excited, I'm none to overly thrilled. It doesn't help that I have an insurance payment due tomorrow and my car won't stay started long enought for me to put it in drive. Not to mention Adam said something today that just rubbed on a nerve and even though he was kidding(I should hope) I still felt the sting of the comment. I am not in control of my life. My life is in control of me.
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May. 18th, 2006 @ 05:07 pm A random ranting
Current Location: The world next door
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: Silence
I'm bored and randomly felt like saying hello to the world in general and so I engaged in a self debate over how to say hello to the most people possible and determined that it had to be via the internet so hello everyone who just read the words that I wrote. I have no idea who you are or how I know you or even if I really know you, all I know is that you decided to read what I wrote for some reason far unbeknown-est to me, most likely dubbed boredom. So come come, be entertained as I ponder such strange thinkings, as the world at large. I know I have no idea how big the globe really is. I know there are people virtually almost everywhere. I do not know anything about them other than what other people tell me about them. Sometimes they tell me about themselves. I have to wonder the full extent of the truth people actually tell me. I live in a strange country. Where speaking politics is more taboo than descriptive stories of one's sex life. I live in a country run by morons, trying to build further upon already tremendous wealth, while cramming fear and hate down our throats, as they bleed our pockets dry, and damn our children with budget crisis that is already unable to be repaid. There are starving children in America. There are working homeless. Men and Women who work 40 hours a week and still can't afford to put a roof over their head. Our minimum wage is a joke. Other country's have a higher minimum wage. Immigration is an issue. However I think Bush has come rushing in like a Bull in a China shop once again. Stirring up feeling of discontent with a people whom are already here, and could if provoked, damage our current economic standing merely by removing the additional support provided by illegal aliens. Without them we wouldn't have enough man power to replace the current citizen count in other countries known as the army. Think about it. You have expanding companies with expanding needs. The old retire. Someone must take their place. The children? Where are the children who should be replacing them? Abroad. Fighting a crusade to jack up our weapons making companies profits. When you boil it down, it all comes down to profits. Whose making a buck? Well obviously it isn't you and me. Well... At least me anyway. We sell our time for money and waste our efforts on doing things we don't care about because we need dollar bills to survive. Even a Farmer has to buy things. We are addicts to prescriptions, any hurt, any injury, a pill to make you better. Believe in the Food and Drug Administration. They are after all the government. Why wouldn't they tell you that there are foods that are known for doing the same things as medicine? Oh yeah profit.
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May. 17th, 2006 @ 06:36 pm (no subject)
Current Location: Neutral Ground
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: The Radio
Welcome back. It's been awhile since your last visit. This was of course by my own choosing, at least somewhat. I've meant to get on live journal, and ramble on about the tid bits of my life. I have flown an airplane, drank champagne, and been on countless little adventures merely to preoccupy the day. I've felt like crap for the last few days. I just couldn't get up in the morning. I forgot to call work. Two days in a row. Sleep however was good and is still on my to do more of list. I was injured at work recently. A fifty pound box fell on my head. My neck is kinda sucky on the right side and I still have a bit of a little knot on my head. I've been getting headaches. They are sending me to a doctor with really nifty specialty that I dare not even try to attempt to allow for spell check to even begin to hope to decipher. I've been popping in every now and then to see my Great Aunt May. My Great Uncle is still in recovery from surgery. The 9 year old girl checking me out at McDonald's was really freaky. Too many 16 year old girls just keep popping out of the woodwork to check me out. No Good. Well......

Later Daze
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Apr. 14th, 2006 @ 03:39 pm Strangers in a foreign land
The battle was over
And blood laid scattered
Along the stretch of the street
But all of that was behind us now
Victorious over death, and death alone
We were the soldiers,
That might make it home

The buildings were dead
Some still soaked in flames
Strangers in a foreign land
We knew not the words
The survivors screamed
As they saw the damage done

Nothing we could do
We marched on ahead
Surrounded by an army
Of a thousand falling tears
Sadness in our souls
A soldier does as he is told

We neared the edge
Of this ruined village
When a child began to walk to us
A scared little girl
With tears in her 6 year old eyes
She wasn't ready to die
But a bomb was strapped to her chest
And her daddy was firm
God will only let you into heaven
If you walk up to them

She paused a moment to look back
Before running off to attack
She made it six feet from us
Before she too added to the stain
Left upon this foreign soil
I wonder if there will ever be
Enough tears in the world
To wash away the blood
Left by strangers
In this foreign land
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Mar. 23rd, 2006 @ 01:02 pm Filling up on hope
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: Oasis - Wonderwall
For so long, longer than I can remember I have felt empty. There is a hole inside of me that I've been trying to fill with anything that would fit inside. Afraid of being further wounded I've hidden in shadows and only stepped out when the timing was right, to once again land in the fight. The walls held and I kept the uninvited at bay and my guest a few yards away. No one must see the empty. No one must see the broken. I built up a stage, and danced on display, but the truth is, I cast your eyes away. None must see the truth, so I'll hid behind carefully constructed pages, of line to line transactions, building up the story of my legend, through slight and careful interactions, beware this too is a distraction. Lets get moving, I scream to myself, the poor wasted fool. His response is, "first thing in the morning", as he dives further in, to the sweet bliss of untrue oblivion. Death was never my fear, for I have stared the lady down, knowing that she will one day return, and steal me from here. I must stand beneath the sun's rays, and journey for many miles and days, until I can reclaim the missing parts of me, the parts I won't recognize until again they have jointed inside of me. So clear the table and lay out the charts, in order to chase the end I must retrace the start. For we have gone astray, so now we begin the journey, looking for the proper road, the one of which the gas attendant told. I am thirsty and it's time to drink deep. I've found the well of hope.
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Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 03:52 pm Sometimes you have to remember who you are
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: Jimmy Eats World - The Middle
I feel like I'm waking up. My creativity returned, and all because I asked for it back. I don't talk about God much, so please bare with me. There is a section of your brain that is only active when your praying. I have way more than my far share of luck, and deep down, I've always felt I would change the world. I have the talent, the looks, and the adaptive thinking to do anything I set my mind to. Jen mentioned a radio station is looking for an on air personality. I plan on trying out. I've been so busy avoiding thinking about my past, That I ignored my future all together. I plan on using my gifted nature better. I feel it. The arrogance that hid my subtle determination. There is a fire in me, there always has been. I need to stop worrying so much, regain focus, and start planning out my future. November should be the shit. Yeah I have my november planned out. Vaguely. I'd fill you in on the details, but well, frankly, it's a surprise. But it is so worth it.

Later Daze

<3 Jason
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Mar. 5th, 2006 @ 03:24 am how I 'm thinking
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: none
I've been rather lax in the creative thought process lately. I'm just not inspired. I feel like my batteries are low, and I feel like the universe is taunting me. I feel like I went through an evolution and can't figure out the difference. Writing has become hard. Especially music. Why the fuck can't I pull Two Inches Too Short together? Holly D's band is playing at Annie's on friday. I will be there. I'm planning something awesome. Maybe that'll cheer me up. Why do I feel like I'm waiting. Maybe that's what this tiredness of soul I've got lately is all about. There will be some hardcore thinking over the next few days. Telling myself to think more, I've come to the realization, that I've got to make serious plans in life.

Later Daze

<3 Jason
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